History was a subject I hated with a passion. Especially when I had to memorize a time line. My teacher would hand out a blank time line where the students had to fill in the blanks. My Senior year in High School was one of those years where I had a History Final Exam I was dreading and as soon as the exam started, I knew why I had been dreading it so much! On my desk, for my final exam was a BLANK time line. Oh how I hated those kids that filled them out within five minutes and got to leave! Not me. I took my time because I did not want to see that horrible time line ever again. I was not about to come back for a re-take! So usually I was the last to leave. In case you are wondering, I did pass the final exam. Not too sure what the final grade was. The only thing I cared about was passing and I did.

I've written about my own time line many times on this blog and on my old blog, Far More Than Rubies. I truly believe with all of my heart that we all have our very own personal time line of our walk with Christ. I can write out my time line pretty well. I can tell you all about it and share with you the key moments in my life when God was working. Mine started at five years old when I accepted Christ as my Savior. Things were happening in my life back then that were painful, it's on my time line. Another major section of my time line was when my grandfather died, it's there too. My Dad becoming an alcoholic, it's there. The horrible, horrible things I experienced as a child, it's ALL there. Then my parents divorce and so on and so on. I have written about those details in previous blogs so I won't do it again today. But something that all of the things on my time line have in common is this. Every single growth spurt I have experienced in the Lord has involved pain. Every one of them! I truly believe with all of my heart that the times we grow the most and the times we truly learn to trust Jesus with our lives is when we are struggling.

Right now I can see my time line clear as day and there is a new section. It says, "Austin". There are some major things I am struggling with right now and I am not sure if I have ever, in my life, wrestled with God this much. Thankfully, I know that it is okay to wrestle. I find comfort in knowing that I am allowed to ask "why?" and I am allowed to wonder "what on earth have we just done?"! I'm allowed to miss my friends and take my time making news ones here. I am allowed to be cautious, I am allowed to set boundaries because right now I am not sure why we are here. Today I don't want to be here. I want to go back to my old house, to my old friends, and I even want Jeremy to have his old job. I want my huge shade tree in my front yard, I want my flagstone patio, I want my Dad a mile away and I want to be able to see my Mom whenever I want to see her and I want to grill out with my in-laws and watch the Maverick's game tonight with my Father-in-law! I want to stay at home during the week and not have any responsibilities except for my family because that's a lot in itself! I don't want to network, I don't want to build relationships, I don't want to plant a church. But thank God, that is my flesh and not my spirit. For I know that the spirit inside of me wants to do the TOTAL opposite of what my flesh wants to do. Hey, at least I have that much figured out! I know that this is a growth spurt. Struggling, wrestling, battling the mind, ALL equals growth spurt.

The Holy Spirit has been reminding me all day long that my flesh is kicking my butt right now. My mind is listening to the flesh way more than to the spirit. But this is where I can change HISTORY! This time in my life does not have to go down as a gut wrenching one. It can go down as a powerful one where I trusted Christ, trusted others, loved others and more. I am reminded of a scripture that I learned back in Sunday School as a little girl. In fact, this is one of the first scriptures Josiah memorized and still quotes when he is afraid to sleep in his own bed. Philippians 4:13 I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.

I know myself well enough by now to know when I am doing things on my own. If I am not walking in the spirit, I operate in fear and when I operate in fear, I tend to choose FLIGHT in the whole fight or flight scenario. Did I have doubts about our decision last week? No. Do I this week? Yes. Will I act on this and start freaking out? No. Would I have acted on it in the past and freaked out and begged Jeremy to take me back to Dallas? Yes. Thankfully the Lord has been doing a lot of stuff over the past two years that I know there are some things he is wanting me to see through. My flesh is not willing and I don't think it ever will be. Nothing bad has happened, I'm just feeling a little fickle and I know that when I am fickle and I am fearful. The two go hand in hand! I know God has called me to ministry, I know that. I know that I desire to work with women and teach them how to find victory over their past, I know that. Is that going to be here? I don't know and I don't know if that is what I want here or not. I don't know why God has me here. Actually I don't see it at all. I see why my husband is here and for the first time ever I feel like doing nothing but sitting back and letting him take the lead. In fact, that is the only way I am going to do this. I will not do it any other way. When I see him take risks, step out, become vulnerable, I will follow. Right now I just want to follow what God is wanting me to do and I think He is wanting me to serve Jeremy before I serve anyone else. For me, that's the hardest person to serve.

So here I am again. I am at a new place on the time line. The things going on in our world right now will be documented. Every single decision George W. Bush makes will be in the History books. I love him but his stubbornness will be documented and it won't be something people rave about. The same goes for me. I want to "get" what God is trying to teach me. I DO NOT want to re-take the exam!

I'm getting ready to paint our house. I can't stand white walls. First I thought about doing my living room in a slate blue and chocolate brown again. Quickly I changed my mind. I want something new! This house will be different from my old. New colors, new style, new decor and new attitudes. It's a lot of work to paint a house and it's a lot of work to change this person that I am sometimes. But it sure is worth it! For I can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens me!

James 1: 2 Dear brothers and sisters, when troubles come your way, consider it an opportunity for great joy. 3 For you know that when your faith is tested, your endurance has a chance to grow. 4 So let it grow, for when your endurance is fully developed, you will be perfect and complete, needing nothing. 5 If you need wisdom, ask our generous God, and he will give it to you. He will not rebuke you for asking. 6 But when you ask him, be sure that your faith is in God alone. Do not waver, for a person with divided loyalty is as unsettled as a wave of the sea that is blown and tossed by the wind. 7 Such people should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. 8 Their loyalty is divided between God and the world, and they are unstable in everything they do. 9 Believers who are poor have something to boast about, for God has honored them. 10 And those who are rich should boast that God has humbled them. They will fade away like a little flower in the field. 11 The hot sun rises and the grass withers; the little flower droops and falls, and its beauty fades away. In the same way, the rich will fade away with all of their achievements. 12 God blesses those who patiently endure testing and temptation. Afterward they will receive the crown of life that God has promised to those who love him

Labels: Faith, walking in the spirit

Labels: Faith

When Jeremy told me what He felt like the Lord was calling him do, I was shocked. The shock did not come from me thinking he was crazy. Instead, the shock came because what Jeremy was feeling in his heart was exactly what I felt in my own. I think that is incredible! God is so amazing in His ways. Without us knowing it, God was working on our hearts to prepare us for one of the biggest decisions and changes in our lives. He knew we needed to be unified. If Jeremy and I were not in agreement, the road would be long. During this process, we spoke to someone much older than us. He knows our background, he knows what's been going on in our lives as we have sat out from "corporate worship". He knows how much we have been trying to discern God's will for our lives in that area. After we shared what we felt like the Lord was leading us to do, he said some things that brought more confirmation. "As long as you and Jeremy are unified, nothing else matters. If you have to play salesman to one another, it's not right." So that night, Jeremy and I sat down on our bed and asked one another some tough questions. We even went into our closet, got on our knees and prayed. That night when we went to bed, we KNEW. We knew that we had BOTH heard from God and that it was time to be obedient and not count the cost!

This week I plan on sharing a lot with all of you that read this little blog. I will finally tell you what we are about to do. It's exciting! And I can say for me that I have never been more sure of anything than when I met Jeremy and knew he would be my husband. There are times when you have to step out and not know "for sure, for sure" until stepping out. This time we will step out and know "for sure, for sure", that this is what we are supposed to do.

It's a new beginning!

And here are a few new songs I have added to my play list!

Next Year by the Foo Fighters
(This was the theme song to my favorite show of all times, "Ed". I wish this show was still on t.v. I love Tom Cavanaugh and Julie Bowen. Oh how I hope to someday live in Stuckeyville!)

Somewhere North by Caedmon's Call
(This song has special meaning for me. I first heard it during a rough time back in my single days. And today it brings comfort again!)

All Things New by Steven Curtis Chapman
(Great lyrics and this song has really been speaking to me over the past few days.)

Stranded by Plumb
(I love this band and I love this girl's voice.)

My Hero by Foo Fighters
(One of our favorite shows is Heroes on Monday nights. If they have not used this song on the show, THEY SHOULD! This song is really cool.)

Go West Young Man by Michael W. Smith
(Every time I think of this song, I think of my days at the baptist church camps. I thought about this song over the weekend. It's perfect for what we are going through.)

Trust by Sixpence None The Richer
(I was nineteen years old when I first heard this song. I sing it from time to time when I am doing stuff around the house. Some of the best songs are ones that just have scripture. We all need to be reminded of Proverbs 3:5-6.)

Nothing left to lose by Mat Kearney
(I have been hearing this song on the radio and now thanks to a friend, I know what it is called and who sings it.)

Undeniable by Mat Kearney
(What a cool song!)

Shifting Sand by Caedmon's Call
(I would really, really, really like to sing this song someday. I can relate to the words so much.)

Fatherless and The Widow by Sixpence None The Richer
(Another song I heard when I was nineteen. It's the title song of the album. I like the bass guitar in this song.)

Labels: Faith

A few years ago I read an incredible book by Bruce Wilkinson called The Dream Giver. The book is all about pursuing your God give dreams and leaving behind all that is comfortable. Unfortunately, when we pursue our dreams we come across something Bruce Wilkinson refers to as "Border Bullies". At the border of the land of comfort, we find friends and family who love us very much, giving us every reason to not cross over to the land of the unknown. The land of the unknown is where are dreams are born!

We have now shared with our entire family that we will be leaving the "land of comfort" and heading out into the "land of unknown". This land of unknown is where we KNOW the Lord has called us. We are following a dream, we are following a calling and as we do that, many are going to struggle with our decision. As we have explained this new journey we are taking, we have heard many, many "buts and whattifs". "But what about this and what about that?" "What if this happens or this happens?" The most painful part is hearing those you love remind you of mistakes you have made in the past. Reminding you of all the times you have fallen on your face and even questioning whether or not you really have heard from God.

We knew they would be waiting to meet us at the border, we were prepared. But I was not prepared for how much their opinions would hurt. Just last night I stood on my front lawn and listened to a family member tell me that everything we were wanting to do could be done in the land of comfort. Face to face with a border bully. Finally I explained that he/she would have to sit back and watch us cross over because we were going and no one would stop God's plan for our lives.

Wow. This is hard. This is much harder than I expected. I would much rather have all of our loved ones happy for us and excited for us. Instead they are scared for us. They are afraid we will mess up or get hurt. They are afraid we have heard wrong. But this is what FAITH is all about. This is truly the time where we can't listen to all the voices. There is only one voice we can listen to and it's our Heavenly Father's.

When the Israelites came to the Jordan River, it overflowed all of it's banks. After their long wanderings in the wilderness, they finally reach the Jordan. As the Levitical Priests stepped into the water, the River dried up and they were able to cross. It wasn't UNTIL the Priests stepped in, that the overflowing water stopped coming. (Joshua 3:14-17)

So it's time. It's time step into the waters. I can't imagine how the Israelites felt as they followed the Levitcal Priests. This morning I tried to imagine what their faces looked like as they saw the flooded Jordan. It wasn't just a river, it was a flooded river with fast flowing waters. There must have been things going on in their minds. "How will we get across this river? It's just not possible. But we will trust. We believe God is going to make a way." And what about the Levitical Priests? When Joshua told them to STAND in the river, I am sure they were a little concerned. But they did what they were told and as they stepped in, the water stopped and they stood on firm, dry ground.

As we step into the waters, I will think of the Israelites who paved the way for me. We can learn a lot from those stubborn, worn out, blessed Israelites! For I know that if we are obedient and we step in, the raging waters WILL STOP.

Labels: Faith

John 6
Jesus Feeds Five Thousand

1 After this, Jesus crossed over to the far side of the Sea of Galilee, also known as the Sea of Tiberias. 2 A huge crowd kept following him wherever he went, because they saw his miraculous signs as he healed the sick. 3 Then Jesus climbed a hill and sat down with his disciples around him. 4 (It was nearly time for the Jewish Passover celebration.) 5 Jesus soon saw a huge crowd of people coming to look for him. Turning to Philip, he asked, “Where can we buy bread to feed all these people?” 6 He was testing Philip, for he already knew what he was going to do.

7 Philip replied, “Even if we worked for months, we wouldn’t have enough money[a] to feed them!”

8 Then Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother, spoke up. 9 “There’s a young boy here with five barley loaves and two fish. But what good is that with this huge crowd?” 10 “Tell everyone to sit down,” Jesus said. So they all sat down on the grassy slopes. (The men alone numbered about 5,000.) 11 Then Jesus took the loaves, gave thanks to God, and distributed them to the people. Afterward he did the same with the fish. And they all ate as much as they wanted. 12 After everyone was full, Jesus told his disciples, “Now gather the leftovers, so that nothing is wasted.” 13 So they picked up the pieces and filled twelve baskets with scraps left by the people who had eaten from the five barley loaves.

14 When the people saw him[b] do this miraculous sign, they exclaimed, “Surely, he is the Prophet we have been expecting!”[c] 15 When Jesus saw that they were ready to force him to be their king, he slipped away into the hills by himself.

Labels: Faith

Almost two years ago, Jeremy went to meet with a guy for some mentoring. Jeremy was at a point where he really felt like God was calling him away from UPS. It seemed extremely scary to Jeremy. At that time he had been there for twelve years and had not been on a job interview since. But deep down he knew that he was not happy. I encouraged him to meet with an older man. I felt that this man could give him encouragement. When they met, Jeremy explained that he felt like God was wanting him to leave UPS and do something totally different. He knew God wanted him to have more time with his family and that money was not something Jeremy needed to put all of his hope in. During that time I was encouraging Jeremy to heed the voice of God and come up with a plan (with God's help) to leave UPS. I specifically told him that God did not want him to wake up someday at fifty years old and hate his job. It is not God's will for Jeremy to count the years until retirement. He does not have to live under the curse of working by the sweat of his brow! NO!

While he met with the Christian, older man, I prayed that Jeremy would walk away renewed and excited about the future. Instead, he left even more beat down than he already was. The man told him he would be crazy to leave his job. He told him it would be irresponsible. He even told Jeremy that he did not like his own job but since he had been there for twenty years, he would tough it out. After that meeting, I saw my husband become extremely depressed. One month later, he was injured. As I prayed for him, I truly felt like the Lord was allowing him to get to the bottom so he would make a change. Sometimes that is the only way we will step out in faith. But Jeremy continued and talked himself into staying and making it work. The twelve hour days, the beat down body, the anguish of the day to day job began to take a toll. I continued to tell Jeremy something over and over again. "Jeremy, UPS is not your destiny. God has something MUCH bigger for you."

Well, the time has come. He is stepping out. Yes, he just got a promotion but he will not be taking it. Instead, he is trusting the Lord with everything and starting over. It hasn't happened yet but since he has made the decision, he has changed. He even looks different to me. I told his sister today that when she sees him, she will be amazed at how much joy and life she sees in his face.

I have found out, especially over the past week, that fellow Christians can beat you down. We say we are children of God, we say we have faith, but do we really? Some would say my husband is insane for doing what he is about to do. Some think he is irresponsible and ignorant for walking away. But I think he is amazing! I truly believe that the definition of a man is someone that can trust the Lord with everything and walk in faith. Not many are willing to do that! My husband is my hero! I am so proud of him and I know that we are going to be blessed because he has said yes to God. His cup will be spilling over and it will fall all over me, Josiah, Ava Beth and Ezekiel.

The Lord told the Israelites (Exodus 16) to gather enough manna for ONE day. Not a week, not a month, but ONE day. I feel like God is doing the same in our lives. We don't know what's going to happen next month, next year or even tomorrow. But we are going to trust Jesus and gather enough manna for ONE day.

(I still have HUGE news to share with you but I still have to wait until we have shared it with all of our family. I am busting at the seams right now. I want to tell you but I can't. Soon, it will be soon! This news of Jeremy's job is only HALF of what God is doing!)

Labels: Faith

It was February 27th, 2001. Jeremy and I had only been dating for two weeks when I decided to share something with a friend. "I love Jeremy. I know we have only known one another for two weeks but I know that I love him." I distinctly remember the look on her face as I shared. After saying something so crazy, I figured she would tell me I lost my mind but, she didn't. So I decided to explain a little further. "I think it's too early for me to have fallen in love with him because we hardly know each other but I can't explain what's going on inside of me except that I know I love him. It's like I am supposed to love him. I am meant to love him."

The love I knew I was feeling was quite different than anything I had ever felt before. It felt right, it felt safe, it felt ordained. I was not about to explain it to Jeremy. If what I was feeling in my spirit was right, Jeremy would feel it too. So I prayed for confirmation. I prayed that the Lord would confirm this love I was feeling. After having the conversation with my friend, I headed over to Jeremy's apartment to meet him for a Bible Study. I can't remember what the Bible Study was about that night but I do remember what happen afterwards. Jeremy and I were sitting on his couch and he grabbed my hand, held it tight and said there was something he needed to tell me. "Amanda, I love you. I know we have only known each other for two weeks but I know that I love you. I know that I am supposed to love you. You are the one I am to love." Instantly my eyes were filled with tears. I told him that I loved him too and we stared at each other in shock. We both knew what it meant. We both knew that God had finally answered our prayers. We both knew that we were meant to be husband and wife. Two weeks and we knew. Two and a half months later, we were engaged. Three and a half months later, we were husband and wife.

Since it happened so fast there were many of our close friends and family that had doubts. They couldn't understand the fast courtship, engagement and marriage. We even had a family member ask if I was pregnant. It wasn't until that question that I realized how crazy we must of looked to everyone. I wasn't pregnant and we had made the commitment to not have sex until we were married. And since we got married so fast, that commitment wasn't so hard to keep! The same family member that asked if I was pregnant tried to talk us into a longer engagement. She explained that we hardly knew one another and that we needed to take it slow. She felt that we were acting out of emotion and not true love and commitment. Jeremy and I both figured out quickly that many would not understand. We decided to not try and convince others of our love but allow them to sit back and watch. At times it was difficult to hear the opinions but it was totally worth it. Even though many were skeptical, we knew it was a God thing and nothing was going to get in the way of that.

Part of the big shock for those close to Jeremy had to do with them knowing his personality. You see, I am married to steady Eddie! He is not wishy washy. He is not fickle. He is slow to make decisions and it takes him a long time to process things. But one thing I have learned through the years about my husband is that when he has heard from God, he moves. He doesn't calculate too much, he moves. He doesn't ask for every one's opinion, he moves. He doesn't allow himself to doubt or question because he TRUSTS. That kind of faith has been poured into my life by him. I'm not afraid to take a risk but Jeremy has taught me how to do it and trust God at the same time. I love that about my husband. We are a good team, no doubt.

Jeremy and I had to have a lot of faith to get married as quick as we did. At times it was tough. Regardless of how long you have known your spouse, we all know marriage is tough. I truly believe that marriage brings about healing and deliverance in many ways. A bride and groom have no idea what marriage is going to be like. You can't possibly know the conflict that will come or possibly understand how hard it can be at times. You are under the microscope 24/7 and you live with a sinner 24/7 and he lives with a sinner 24/7. With two sinners, there's bound to be some sinnin' going on! And even though the road can be tough, there is no greater road to travel. Marriage is the best thing you will ever do!

And now we are another fast pace journey. People will say we are crazy. People will say we need more time. People will say all kinds of things that are logical, things that make sense. They will say smart things, intelligent things. But they will be lacking something very important. Faith.

On March 8th,2007 my husband and I experienced another moment like we did on February 27, 2001. It was a moment we had in complete unison. It was a God stop. A moment where we looked at each other and knew what the other was thinking. We knew it was time to step out in faith and go with God. The only frightening part was that we weren't frightened! Instead, we were excited. We are still excited! Throughout our marriage God has been preparing us for this moment. He has been preparing us so much that we know it is not a sudden thing. It's something we know we are supposed to do. It's something we were meant to do. Over the last few days, the Holy Spirit has been reminding us of that moment when we fell in love. Most of those around us did not understand, even to the point of wondering if I was pregnant. Ha! Well, here we go again. Most will wonder whether or not we have lost our minds but some will be blessed by our willingness. Others will see us as a testimony. So that is my prayer. I pray that God can use us to show you how BIG our God really is. I pray that He can use us to show you how to step out in faith and trust Him for your EVERY need. I pray that He can use our new beginning to bring you to yours.

It was 2001 when we first knew that God had big plans for us as a couple and just the other day, He reminded us again. We knew then and we know now!

And in due time, I will share the details. I won't try to prove that our decision is a God thing, I will just let you sit back and see that for yourself!

Romans 4:21
being fully persuaded that God had power to do what he had promised.

Hebrews 10:38 32-39
Remember those early days after you first saw the light? Those were the hard times! Kicked around in public, targets of every kind of abuse—some days it was you, other days your friends. If some friends went to prison, you stuck by them. If some enemies broke in and seized your goods, you let them go with a smile, knowing they couldn't touch your real treasure. Nothing they did bothered you, nothing set you back. So don't throw it all away now. You were sure of yourselves then. It's still a sure thing! But you need to stick it out, staying with God's plan so you'll be there for the promised completion.

1 Chronicles 2-17: 23-24 16-27
King David went in, took his place before God, and prayed:
Who am I, my Master God, and what is my family, that you have brought me to this place in life? But that's nothing compared to what's coming, for you've also spoken of my family far into the future, given me a glimpse into tomorrow and looked on me, Master God, as a Somebody. What's left for David to say to this—to your honoring your servant, even though you know me, just as I am? O God, out of the goodness of your heart, you've taken your servant to do this great thing and put your great work on display. There's none like you, God, no God but you, nothing to compare with what we've heard with our own ears. And who is like your people, like Israel, a nation unique on earth, whom God set out to redeem as his own people (and became most famous for it), performing great and fearsome acts, throwing out nations and their gods left and right as you saved your people from Egypt? You established for yourself a people—your very own Israel!—your people forever. And you, God, became their God.

So now, great God, this word that you have spoken to me and my family, guarantee it forever! Do exactly what you've promised! Then your reputation will be confirmed and flourish always as people exclaim, "The God-of-the-Angel-Armies, the God over Israel, is Israel's God!" And the house of your servant David will remain rock solid under your watchful presence. You, my God, have told me plainly, "I will build you a house." That's how I was able to find the courage to pray this prayer to you. God, being the God you are, you have spoken all these wonderful words to me. As if that weren't enough, you've blessed my family so that it will continue in your presence always. Because you have blessed it, God, it's really blessed—blessed for good!

Labels: Faith