Marriage is hard, parenting is hard, relationships are hard, life is hard. I have not wanted to say that in a while because I've been trying to buckle down and roll with life's punches. But I've had a pretty incredible revelation this week and it goes something like this.
Sunday morning I woke up and felt as if I could not be a part of worship that morning. How could I possibly sing on that stage when I was struggling with so much crap on the inside? I felt empty and felt like I truly had nothing to give and was not sure I could even put a smile on my face. So I told God that I couldn't do it and I experienced one of the most awesome worship sets I have ever been a part of. My weakness, my sin, my struggle allowed God to come in and move because I was totally removed. At one point during one of the worship songs, I opened my eyes and saw hands lifted in the air and I could hear people singing. I was unable to sing the rest of the song. It was a moment I will NEVER forget. Everyone was engaged in worship and truly singing to the Lord. You could feel it, you could see it, you could hear it.
2 Corinthians 12
1I must go on boasting. Although there is nothing to be gained, I will go on to visions and revelations from the Lord. 2I know a man in Christ who fourteen years ago was caught up to the third heaven. Whether it was in the body or out of the body I do not know—God knows. 3And I know that this man—whether in the body or apart from the body I do not know, but God knows— 4was caught up to paradise. He heard inexpressible things, things that man is not permitted to tell. 5I will boast about a man like that, but I will not boast about myself, except about my weaknesses. 6Even if I should choose to boast, I would not be a fool, because I would be speaking the truth. But I refrain, so no one will think more of me than is warranted by what I do or say.
7To keep me from becoming conceited because of these surpassingly great revelations, there was given me a thorn in my flesh, a messenger of Satan, to torment me. 8Three times I pleaded with the Lord to take it away from me. 9But he said to me, "My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness." Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me. 10That is why, for Christ's sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
My attitude has not been very nice towards the "church". While some of my beliefs and ideas are true for me with this change taking place in my life, my attitude has not been all that great. I felt an incredible amount of encouragement on Sunday when I looked out and saw that everyone was worshipping in unison. I realized that we are all on the same team. My strength will always fall short, but HIS STRENGTH is perfect.