One of my all time favorite chick flix has to be Sleepless in Seattle. The biggest reason has to be the music. I love music, I am obsessed with music. My husband is astounded by my ability to remember movies because of particular songs. Well that's why I remember Sleepless in Seattle, the music! While Tom Hanks is preparing to begin his dating journey for the first time after loosing his wife, a classic Gene Autry song accompanies the scene.

I'm back in the saddle again
Out where a friend is a friend
Where the longhorn cattle feed
On the lowly gypsum weed
Back in the saddle again.

Ridin' the range once more
Totin' my old .44
Where you sleep out every night
And the only law is right
Back in the saddle again.

Whoopi-ty-aye-oh
Rockin` to and fro
Back in the saddle again
Whoopi-ty-aye-yay
I go my way
Back in the saddle again.

Well folks, it's been a few weeks of not feeling like myself. I've been trudging for days, trying to figure out what the heck is wrong with me. Sometimes I thought it was pregnancy and the gorgeous hormones that tag along with it. Then I thought maybe there was something I needed to make right in my spiritual walk or something in one of my relationships. I prayed, I cried, I felt lonely, I felt fearful. Actually, I felt a whole lot a junk during this funk. But sometime yesterday,the cloud began to lift, the sun began to come out so I called out for my horse and got back on! And now I sigh a big, huge sigh of relief. Whoopi-ty-aye-oh!!!

A little over a year ago I had an experience with God that was defining. If I was handed a piece of paper with my timeline charted out, I would know that last September really was a defining moment in my life. My faith began to change, my character began to change, everything about me began to change. It's kind of strange to think about because I know that I am so different now than I used to be. I find myself considering things I would never have considered before. I find that I am feeling a little more settled and content, not always trying to look ahead for the events in life. Usually I have extreme highs and lows but not so much anymore. Honestly, I'm proud at who I am becoming. It seems I am settling in this skin God gave me but it took me realizing how much Christ loves me FIRST. Since I was saved at five years old, I have never questioned God. I really haven't doubted Him or even allowed myself to. My family, friends and Pastors know that I have always remained on the road, never left, just kept going. But there was so much I wasn't tapping into. I could not get a grasp of my purpose. I needed to question. I needed to even doubt a little but I was afraid to. Until, one night last September in 2005, I began to "get" it. I began to ask questions and I began to understand so much about my past and who I was becoming.

I was sitting in my home with a group of people. We had been visiting a very large church in a city neighboring ours and attended Sunday School. The Sunday School department began a new program, something we were familiar with, home groups. Since our Sunday School Class was large, the Director decided to hand pick each group. Once the groups were chosen, we were asked to sign up to be a host home so we did. The very first meeting was at our house. I cleaned, made snacks, coffee and tea and waited for everyone to arrive. I had no idea what to expect. We had purposely put ourselves in a Sunday School Class with people much older than us, some old enough to be our parents. It's what we needed at that time but I felt a little intimidated so I remained quite during the study. I had no idea what was on the agenda, I just figured some sort of bible study. The leader handed me a DVD and asked if I would put it in. He said that the DVD we were about to watch was our lesson and after watching, we would discuss. This video, this eleven minute film changed my life. I have posted it before on my blog. Some of you may have watched it, but it wouldn't hurt to watch again.

Before you finish reading my post, watch this. It's a short, 11 minute film entitled RAIN. Don't watch the clip, watch the film.

When the video ended, people began to share. I knew some of the stories already in the room but I did not know the actual pain. In the room at my house was a woman who had just found out her husband was cheating on her. He had an affair, sexual, everything. Then there was another woman that carried a lot of pain from her Dad who had abused her. There was a Man that had just graduated from Seminary but unable to find a job because he had been divorced many years ago after his wife cheated on him. Churches did not want to hire him because of his past divorce. Another man was a Father of an adult that was not willing to accept Christ and the same man had a wife that was grieving daily over her dad that just died. Then there was me. I was in the midst of so much. We had just moved, just left a church we adored and the leaving was not a happy one. I felt unliked, unloved, hated, and so much more. I did not realize my pain was so deep until that pain caused so many unresolved things in my life to resurface from my past. That evening my living room truly was Holy Ground in so many ways. Men felt comfortable sharing in front of women, some even showing tears and women felt safe in just all out crying. This was a group of conservative Southern Baptists, these people usually hold it together! But the emotion, the pain, it ran deep that night so we decided to go with the flow and allow the Holy Spirit to work.

The Rob Bell DVD was truly a life changing event for me. For the first time in my life I was able to THANK God for the storm. I was grateful for it. I was so excited to know that I have been carried by Him so many times and our walks in the storm have been amazing. The times when I am drenched, soaking wet and unsure of so many things, He's carrying me. Wow.

Last night I decided to watch that DVD again. Instantly I was reminded of how God is working in my life and how much He loves me. Walking through the rain is not always fun, but it is so beneficial. The sun does come up, and the memory of the walk in the storm will changes you forever. It has me.

It's nice to be singing today!

Whoopi-ty-aye-oh
Rockin` to and fro
Back in the saddle again
Whoopi-ty-aye-yay
I go my way
Back in the saddle again.

Father, thank you. Thank you for wrapping me up in your arms and helping me find my way out. I am learning that it's not so bad to be wandering for a while. It's in those moments that I feel your hand the most. Thank you for your son Jesus. Thank you for changing my life and making me a strong, courageous woman. I love you. I really love you. That WALK, I wouldn't trade it for anything. My pain, the years of taking care of an alcoholic father, the years of never feeling loved, I would not trade it for anything. Thank you Lord, thank you for that WALK. Wow. Thank you Lord.