Tonight I have been trying to spend some time in worship. There is nothing sweeter for me than to worship Jesus, my Savior, through music. I have posted a song that means so much to me. This song is special for so many reasons and when I sing it, God knows why. He knows what was going on in my life the very first time I heard it and he knows what was going on in my life when I first sang it.

I don't want to say that I am hurting but I am really, really struggling internally with all the change taking place in my life. Today I had the opportunity to talk about it with my husband. As we walked the aisles of WalMart, we talked. We were in the dairy section when Jeremy voiced out loud what he was seeing in me. He said everything I was feeling. I knew that Jeremy had been talking to God about me and that brought comfort. There is no one better to pray for me than my husband. I know his prayers have fire behind them! I have a lot of fear right now and I am trying to figure out how to work through it and truly let go.

When Jeremy and I were dating, His relationship with God was such an encouragement to me. I had been saved a long time but Jeremy had been saved for only a year when I met him. His passion for the Lord was what made me fall head over heels for him. That and the incredible smile and gorgeous olive skin! Deep down I think I knew we would make GORGEOUS babies! And we did. No really, his passion for the Lord was amazing. I remember one Sunday at the end of the service, he took me down to the alter and we knelt down and he prayed for me out loud. Yes, we met at church so obviously I knew He was trying to live for the Lord. But, I had always dated church guys and sometimes they are the worst kind to date. Jeremy was different though. He truly worshiped God in all that he did. There was another time I remember looking over at him during worship at church and he had his eyes closed with his hands lifted high in the air. He was truly in the midst of worship. I loved that about him, I still love that about him. Jeremy has one of the sweetest relationships with the Lord that I have ever seen.

Jeremy's Dad left when he was around six years old and he hasn't seen him since. If you look at pictures of his dad, it's crazy how much they look alike. Their expression, their toned forearms that show their hard work ethic, their hands, everything. But now I see how much Jeremy has taken on the ways of his Heavenly Father. He really is the sweetest, most warm guy you will ever meet. He would give you the shirt off of his back and when no one wants to do the hard work, he will be the last one standing. He worked for a company for thirteen years and called in sick TWICE. He is a man of integrity and I love the example he lives daily for our children. I am so proud of my husband.

Today I realized some reasons I am struggling but, the most important thing I realized was how much I can trust my husband. God is wanting me to look to Jeremy right now and to follow his lead. Others may not understand but God knows why. God knows the struggles I have had in my marriage and He has brought us here to do so much in and through us. So I am going to do what the Lord has told me to do. "Fall back into your husband's arms. Let him hold you. Follow his lead and as you do, you will be following me. You will be worshipping me by trusting your husband."

I hope you enjoy the song I have posted tonight. It's one of my favorite worship songs and the words mean a lot to me. God knows when I sing this song what it really means. He knows my heart, He knows my every thought and this song really gets me to that place with Him that I long to be.

Lord Jesus, thank you for all the things you are doing in my life. I could not do this without you. You have changed my life and you are my rock. Thank you Jesus for being that friend I can always pour my heart out to . I say this to you all the time but I will say it again. THANK YOU for saving me when I was only five years old! You knew how much I would need a Savior and I am so thankful that I learned to go to you with everything. Lord, please continue to show me and teach me how I can show your love to my children. I want Josiah, Ava Beth and Ezekiel to know you soon. I pray that they can accept you and know you as children. Father, help me to show them YOUR ways and YOUR love. Each night as I lay my hands on them and pray, I pray that they will truly make the connection from their heads to their hearts and KNOW you as their Savior like I did when I was just a little girl. Thank you for my babies. They are the most incredible gifts and I feel you loving me through them. Thank you for Jeremy. Thank you for giving me a husband that adores me so much and that takes care of us. God, I pray that you will bless him for working so hard. When he has to miss out on things going on with church, I pray that you will bless him immeasurably more for being such a hard worker and man of integrity. Thank you for giving me a husband like him. I am so blessed!! And Lord thank you for allowing me to hear your voice and thank you for giving me the gift to discern so many things. I love you Lord. I'm living for your glory Lord!!!

Labels: He is holy, Living for his glory