Sunday, April 29, 2007
Can it be all about me today?
It's been almost a week since I last posted and I wasn't sure when I was going to be able to do it again. So this will be short and to the point.
Here's the deal. I don't have time to really do anything any more. The battle comes when I am trying hard to make it all about me when it is all about these kids right now. I have had some friends in the past that get upset when I don't return their phone calls. Well, if you are my friend now, you have probably figured out that I may never return your call! This parenting thing is 24/7, totally 24/7!!
Jeremy has been working some insane hours lately, including Saturdays. It's not a permanent thing but there is so much he is learning right now that it's pretty much a necessity. So unless I get up early or stay up really late, we don't have time together. The hard thing is, we moved here to plant a church. But the past three weeks have proved to be very challenging and we have missed a few Church planting events. Our Pastor is understanding and knows we are settling. When they moved here they did not have events going on for a while so it's going to take us a little time to get planted and they understand that. Thank God! But, I am having a hard time understanding it. I WANT to be a part of it. I WANT to be at everything and when I am not, I feel like I am missing out on making memories during the birth of this church. I keep hearing people say, "You've been here THREE weeks. Give yourself some time, Amanda!"
Right now Zeke takes two naps a day, sometimes three. The two long naps are three hours long! One in the morning, one in the afternoon. :) Ava Beth's nap is three hours long in the afternoon. Josiah rarely takes one but he will if I really want him to. Otherwise, he has quiet time with books or trains or a movie. You would think that I would have time to myself during those nap times but it seems like there is so much to do that time alone is very difficult. I have to admit, I am spoiled. I never went to the grocery store with kids until we moved. Now that is the only way I can shop unless I want to go on the weekend or late at night. I was so blessed to have family close by. My Dad lived so close that he would come over while I cooked supper and played with the kids. I was never in a bind with babysitting, never. And getting time alone was something I just had to plan, not pray for. :)
So now I am trying to figure out how I can get up earlier to spend time with God and myself. How can I find the ENERGY? What can I do to organize my day better or will it just be an up hill battle with three little ones? This is a season, I know it will pass. But it is a tiring season, for sure!
This Friday I am meeting J's parents half way so they can take all three kids until Sunday. Then on Sunday, J's mom will meet my mom and they will be with her until Tuesday. So I will have several days alone!! I am so excited! Of course I will miss them like CRAZY while they are gone and think about them non-stop!
Okay so this week I am moving the kids bed time up a notch and hoping to find some time for me and also time for me and J. Daddy just took the kids to the park and he told me to stay home and spend time by myself. But I already feel guilty for not making the park a family event. See! I feel damned if I do and damned if I don't!
Well, my time alone is me folding clothes! The laundry is never done and it never will be. Oh well. As Josiah would say, "Five more moons until I go to Grammy's house!" Yes, five more moons until I can sit on my butt and do NOTHING! I remember my Mom telling me all the time when I was a teenager, "Mandi, it's not all about you." Well, that is so true. It's not all about me but, for one day I would like it to be. Just one day of it being all about Amanda would be great!! Hey, a girl can dream!
Here's the deal. I don't have time to really do anything any more. The battle comes when I am trying hard to make it all about me when it is all about these kids right now. I have had some friends in the past that get upset when I don't return their phone calls. Well, if you are my friend now, you have probably figured out that I may never return your call! This parenting thing is 24/7, totally 24/7!!
Jeremy has been working some insane hours lately, including Saturdays. It's not a permanent thing but there is so much he is learning right now that it's pretty much a necessity. So unless I get up early or stay up really late, we don't have time together. The hard thing is, we moved here to plant a church. But the past three weeks have proved to be very challenging and we have missed a few Church planting events. Our Pastor is understanding and knows we are settling. When they moved here they did not have events going on for a while so it's going to take us a little time to get planted and they understand that. Thank God! But, I am having a hard time understanding it. I WANT to be a part of it. I WANT to be at everything and when I am not, I feel like I am missing out on making memories during the birth of this church. I keep hearing people say, "You've been here THREE weeks. Give yourself some time, Amanda!"
Right now Zeke takes two naps a day, sometimes three. The two long naps are three hours long! One in the morning, one in the afternoon. :) Ava Beth's nap is three hours long in the afternoon. Josiah rarely takes one but he will if I really want him to. Otherwise, he has quiet time with books or trains or a movie. You would think that I would have time to myself during those nap times but it seems like there is so much to do that time alone is very difficult. I have to admit, I am spoiled. I never went to the grocery store with kids until we moved. Now that is the only way I can shop unless I want to go on the weekend or late at night. I was so blessed to have family close by. My Dad lived so close that he would come over while I cooked supper and played with the kids. I was never in a bind with babysitting, never. And getting time alone was something I just had to plan, not pray for. :)
So now I am trying to figure out how I can get up earlier to spend time with God and myself. How can I find the ENERGY? What can I do to organize my day better or will it just be an up hill battle with three little ones? This is a season, I know it will pass. But it is a tiring season, for sure!
This Friday I am meeting J's parents half way so they can take all three kids until Sunday. Then on Sunday, J's mom will meet my mom and they will be with her until Tuesday. So I will have several days alone!! I am so excited! Of course I will miss them like CRAZY while they are gone and think about them non-stop!
Okay so this week I am moving the kids bed time up a notch and hoping to find some time for me and also time for me and J. Daddy just took the kids to the park and he told me to stay home and spend time by myself. But I already feel guilty for not making the park a family event. See! I feel damned if I do and damned if I don't!
Well, my time alone is me folding clothes! The laundry is never done and it never will be. Oh well. As Josiah would say, "Five more moons until I go to Grammy's house!" Yes, five more moons until I can sit on my butt and do NOTHING! I remember my Mom telling me all the time when I was a teenager, "Mandi, it's not all about you." Well, that is so true. It's not all about me but, for one day I would like it to be. Just one day of it being all about Amanda would be great!! Hey, a girl can dream!
Labels: all about me
3 Comments:
Amanda, you WILL find your groove. You are going through many changes and that is stressful. Something I try to remember to tell myself is, "this difficulty will pass, walk with class." In other words, walk so that He is glorified. One good thing that you have going for you is that you are a night owl. That is such a blessing; I am not. By the time that my husband comes home, I am so tired that I do not feel like talking or anything, just sitting. My personality comes out in the morning, like right now. Doesn't work out so good for husband, but good for the kids, so they get the best of me right now. I'll be praying for you today.
Yes. It can be all about you today:-) Because we all need a chance to just vent about the exhaustion and total lack of time for mommy when you have little ones. I remember (just a few short years ago) the stress of trying to get dinner prepared while little ones were crying, or getting into things, and just the general chaos of that time of day. Honestly, mine are 8 and 9 and it is still a sort of crazy time of day, but in a MUCH more manageable sort of way:-) Add a newborn, a new location, a new baby, a new job, a new church, new friends and you have a wonderful but slightly stressful time. You deserve the break you have coming this weekend, so look forward to the time to renew and refresh.
I know the difference in my day when I make the time to just soak up God's Word and let it dwell in my spirit, but at the stage you are in it seems like there really never is that time... this weekend will give you uninterrupted time to build up your strength in the Lord. I am praying for you. Thank you for shring what you are going though so we can pray for you!
Blessings!
Kelly
I admit it. I'm a lurker. :) I've come by way of Stacey's, at A Measure of Grace, and I enjoy reading your posts from time to time. (I mean I always enjoy them, but I don't come very often!)
Anyway, I've recently, in the last month or so, begun to get up before everyone else in my house, and having some quiet time. It's reading something (Feminine Appeal right now), some scripture, prayer from my journal, etc. Then I have a few moments to think about the course of the day.
It was really really really hard to get up at first, but when I started seeing how much I could accomplish before there were any distractions, boy, it got good!
It's still a struggle some mornings, but the benefits outweigh, for sure.
I'll be thinking of and praying for you as you pursue some *Amanda time*. :)
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