Sunday, April 22, 2007
A supernatural source
This morning I am struggling. Struggling with some things that are between me and God. I am wrestling in my spirit. My flesh has me going in one direction, while the spirit that lives inside of me, has me going in another. There is a pattern in my life and it always starts in my mind. I physically feel and emotionally feel that the Lord is pressing in and bringing about things to purify this decision we have made to move to Austin. As much as I understand how REAL life is and how REAL it is no matter where you are, my flesh had this silly idea that things would be easier. But, it's not easier. Instead, I think it's harder. There are many reasons why I think this is hard but I feel that instead of writing them for all eyes to see and judge, I will voice them to my Heavenly Father. He's my safe place and with Him, I will not find judgement. In Him I will find rest, encouragement and affirmation. And that is so what I need right now. The world cannot give me those things in the way that I need them.

My husband just came upstairs, looked over my shoulder as I sat here wondering what to type next and said something that makes total and perfect sense. "It's growing pains, Babe. That's all it is." You know? He's right. The things I am struggling with come in form of growing pains. And the great thing about growing pains is they give me proof. Proof that I am GROWING! I long to grow in the Lord. As I talk to God constantly about what I am feeling, one of the things I have always prayed is this. "Father, help me to grow in YOU, not in the things of this world." That prayer may not makes sense to you but I know what it means and so does He.

There is something really big that plays a huge part in this wrestling going on in my mind right now. God's word. I haven't been in it! I have written in blogs before about how much God's word changes me. It is something I know has power and if I tap into that power, my entire outlook changes. It's that powerful! The Word has a heartbeat. It's living, breathing and life changing. At times I read scripture and may not always understand or remember everything I have read but it doesn't matter. My spirit soaks it up, for it truly is a supernatural source.

Once again I am reminded that I am lacking nutrition that comes from His Word. I cannot walk this walk without the power of God's Word in my life.

Hebrews 4:12 (NKJV) For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart.

Sometimes I don't know what I am feeling, why I am feeling it or anything else. Sometimes, it's just feelings. This particular state I am in, is when I feel pretty yucky. That's the only way to describe it, yucky. I know by now, this is the worst possible time for me to make a decision and the worst possible time for to act based on feelings. I also know by now that when I feel this way, I am sick. It's not a physical sickness but something in my emotional state that has to be worked through and that's when I have to rely on Jesus to do the work for me. This is when I KNOW I must draw close to His Word so that the Word can have it's way in my life. And this is why I love the scripture in Hebrews so much. His Word is LIVING and POWERFUL! His word is so sharp that it can pierce the division between my soul and spirit. You see the true division is not between us and other people, it's between our flesh and spirit. Right now I need the Word of God to pierce the division between my flesh and my spirit. That's where my battle is! When I read the part about His word reaching my joints and even my marrow, I can't keep my eyes dry. God's Word is so powerful that it reaches my bone marrow! Wow. The more I mature in the Lord, the more I realize that if I am not walking in the spirit, my discernment cannot be trusted. Often I have to pray through what I am "feeling" and ask God to reveal to me the TRUTH. We cannot rely on our flesh to show us the TRUTH of situations or circumstances. Our flesh will fail us, always. Fear, discouragement, pride, anger, resentment, those come from our flesh.

In order to train that rotten, stinky, disgusting flesh, I have to rely on scripture. There's really no excuse. As growing believers, we should be treating our Bibles like we treat our cell phones. We may be ten miles down the road, realize we left our cell phones and drive all the way home to get it. We search the house frantically for it. We carry it on our hips, in our purses and some of us wear it in our ears at all times. If only we treated our bible like we treated our cell phones. We can't expect to grow, learn and tame that rotten flesh if we don't spend time DAILY in His word.

This morning, I am back at it. I am back in His Word. That's where I long to be and that is where I long to stay. It's through His word I can be a truth teller, truth seeker and someone that is able to discern the truth in every circumstance. Feelings and emotions are crap! So today I am weeding through those and seeking the TRUTH! And that my friends, is the ONLY way to live!


  posted at 11:07 AM

At 11:27 AM, Blogger Wendy said...

I love what you said about the cell phone, so true!

I hope you had a good time in the Word today. Thanks for this post.

At 12:25 PM, Blogger Dee said...

girl - i can SO relate! i can't tell you the number of times i have written posts that confirm JUST what you said - when I am out of the Word I am OUT OF IT!!!! everything is out of whack!!!!

i will be praying - whatever your struggles - turn them over to Him and stay in the Word!! :)

Love you!

At 3:04 PM, Blogger Paula said...

Great post Amanda. Ring true here. I always feel in such a funk when I am out of the word. Like you said, you may not understand or remember (which I often don't) the Spirit is still working a soaking it in.

Love & Prayers

At 6:15 PM, Blogger Kelly said...

AMEN! You said it all so well, all I can say is AMEN and thanks for the reminder.

At 8:00 PM, Anonymous kaukeekaufee said...

I can so relate also. I remember that the truth sets me free and the only place to find truth that never fails is in the word. When the growing pains start, remember you are raised in the way He wants you to be and you will not depart from it. Discipline is needed in the growing stages-you well know that with 3 little children. Why do children learn No before Yes. You are saying No No NO NO in your flesh and the spirit says yes. You are feeling these things because you are in the word and you are in His will. There are many that don't feel yucky because HE can't be heard. Thank God for that yucky feeling Mandi-it is what will set you apart from others....triumphant and successful. When I remember those yucky feelings, it reminds me that He was there all of the time and I know the difference between the yucky and the freedom. I was praying for you and I am reminded of God's faithfulness. We don't always feel that, but it is there. We may not be in the word or feel the word, but it is there. We may not feel his sweet breath in our spirit, but it is there. He struggles with you each and every time. Hope this makes sense. I love y'all.

At 8:15 PM, Blogger Amanda said...

Thank you so much my friends. I NEED encouragement right now. So thank you for taking the time to always ask me how I am doing. Whether it's an email, a phone call or a card in the mail, you all take the time to encourage me and I need that so much. We have been here only two weeks so the stress I feel is to be expected. But I sure miss my friends and family. I have felt pretty lonely this weekend. But I find comfort when I blog and see all of your comments.

Thanks again!


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