Sunday, February 25, 2007
willing
We went to church last night. The best part about it was getting out of the house, wearing a new outfit and fixing myself and the rest of us up! I felt cute last night and I haven't felt cute for quite a while. That's what happens after you have a baby! I know it may sound silly to some but I think it is VERY important for a gal to feel cute! I personally think the self tanner helped a lot or maybe it was my new high heels!
This journey we are on with church right now is very difficult. I am still processing last night and everything about the service. There is so much I want to write about but I am trying to pray through it right now and listen for God's voice in regards to us finding a church home. All day yesterday I prayed that I would not have a critical spirit while sitting in the service. If you have been following my posts on church and my spiritual walk right now, you know that I have been very down and out on the church. So I really prayed that God would help me see past that and soak up anything He had for us. As I sat in the service I knew that if God spoke to me, I would hear it. I have been in the Word, I have been praying, I have truly been walking closely by Him. If I am not walking in the spirit then I can't hear him. During the service I was full of anticipation. I wanted to know if this could be our church home. Instead of feeling that it could be, I felt like there was no way we could possibly call this our home. I began to feel confused because I felt with all of my heart that the Lord showed me that we should visit. He didn't show Jeremy. In fact, Jeremy did not want to go. I wasn't trying to take the lead from him but I had to in a sense because he is not wanting to go to church at all. During the service, he whispered in my ear many different times regarding things about the church. It was obvious that he was not on board. On the drive home, he told me that it was nothing close to what he felt God had for us. He also explained that he didn't really know because he feels so far from God right now anyway. He said it would be nice to go to church with his family but he didn't like the church.
So there is the kicker! This is his family's church. His mom, step dad, sister and brother in law go to this church. They were so excited to see us last night. Jeremy's mom teaches the kids at church so Josiah was in her class. Needless to say, they would be very disappointed if we did not go there. I think the miracle of this whole thing is that I was willing to go. There is a whole other blog I could write about this situation and I may someday. I have had a lot of issues with my in laws but in the past few months God has brought more healing than I can even explain. It is incredible! I feel loved by them and I KNOW they love me. I never thought this would happen but it has. Honestly I don't think they are the ones that changed, I think it was me. That is tough to admit but it's true.
Jeremy's job is changing drastically. He will be working nights more than likely and he will not always be able to go to church. So much is going through my mind right now about this. He will be on call a lot so our plans will never be solid. I will be taking the kids to church by myself a lot. It would be nice to have family around. But I want to be EXACTLY where God wants us and I need Jeremy to help in this decision.
PLEASE be praying for us. We have a lot of change coming our way and I feel that it is time for us to be back in a church. I just have no idea where. I want us to have total peace about our decision and only God can bring that.
The bottom line is this. I am willing. Willing to go to the church we went to last night, willing to go somewhere else. And I know God will bless us as long as we are willing.
P.S. EZEKIEL SLEPT SIX HOURS LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!
This journey we are on with church right now is very difficult. I am still processing last night and everything about the service. There is so much I want to write about but I am trying to pray through it right now and listen for God's voice in regards to us finding a church home. All day yesterday I prayed that I would not have a critical spirit while sitting in the service. If you have been following my posts on church and my spiritual walk right now, you know that I have been very down and out on the church. So I really prayed that God would help me see past that and soak up anything He had for us. As I sat in the service I knew that if God spoke to me, I would hear it. I have been in the Word, I have been praying, I have truly been walking closely by Him. If I am not walking in the spirit then I can't hear him. During the service I was full of anticipation. I wanted to know if this could be our church home. Instead of feeling that it could be, I felt like there was no way we could possibly call this our home. I began to feel confused because I felt with all of my heart that the Lord showed me that we should visit. He didn't show Jeremy. In fact, Jeremy did not want to go. I wasn't trying to take the lead from him but I had to in a sense because he is not wanting to go to church at all. During the service, he whispered in my ear many different times regarding things about the church. It was obvious that he was not on board. On the drive home, he told me that it was nothing close to what he felt God had for us. He also explained that he didn't really know because he feels so far from God right now anyway. He said it would be nice to go to church with his family but he didn't like the church.
So there is the kicker! This is his family's church. His mom, step dad, sister and brother in law go to this church. They were so excited to see us last night. Jeremy's mom teaches the kids at church so Josiah was in her class. Needless to say, they would be very disappointed if we did not go there. I think the miracle of this whole thing is that I was willing to go. There is a whole other blog I could write about this situation and I may someday. I have had a lot of issues with my in laws but in the past few months God has brought more healing than I can even explain. It is incredible! I feel loved by them and I KNOW they love me. I never thought this would happen but it has. Honestly I don't think they are the ones that changed, I think it was me. That is tough to admit but it's true.
Jeremy's job is changing drastically. He will be working nights more than likely and he will not always be able to go to church. So much is going through my mind right now about this. He will be on call a lot so our plans will never be solid. I will be taking the kids to church by myself a lot. It would be nice to have family around. But I want to be EXACTLY where God wants us and I need Jeremy to help in this decision.
PLEASE be praying for us. We have a lot of change coming our way and I feel that it is time for us to be back in a church. I just have no idea where. I want us to have total peace about our decision and only God can bring that.
The bottom line is this. I am willing. Willing to go to the church we went to last night, willing to go somewhere else. And I know God will bless us as long as we are willing.
P.S. EZEKIEL SLEPT SIX HOURS LAST NIGHT!!!!!!!!!!!
Labels: church
7 Comments:
I am conflicted about finding the right church home too. Whatever decision is made, be confident in the fact that you leaning on God to lead you. That's the best place to start
I will be praying. I can relate to your struggle SO well. We left our church of 7 years one year ago and have been attending another church since then. My husband is very happy here and doesn't have any desire to even visit another church, which I would like to do. I have been struggling to follow his lead, wanting him to be the spiritual leader of our family and knowing that God will bless me through honoring him. I don't know what God has in store for us and it has been the hardest year of my life- I feel loose and floundering, but I think above all God wants me to lean on Him and realize that the church isn't as important as my relationship with Him. So I keep praying and trying to stay positive... I will be eager to hear about your journey- it encourages me so much!
I am glad you got to dress up and look beautiful. I know that made you feel good. And that you went to church as a family. Remember satan is going to attack Jeremy because he wants to keep him distant. So keeping plugging away and praying against the enemy. Jeremy will come around. He will feel God's leading. Because God wants him to.
I will pray for all the changes.
I woke up around 3am on Friday night, Saturday morning and had the strongest urge to pray for you. That has happened to me before, but with PEOPLE I KNOW. I wanted to tell you that I prayed for you and for your family for over thirty minutes. I do not know what God was doing for you at that particular moment. But I felt blessed to be a part of it.
We were in search of a church family about 18 months ago. It helped to have a God-sized standard to adhere to. A list of necessaries that we would NOT compromise on. The necessary list came straight from the Word and while we prayed fervently, the nerves, fear, and overwhelming feelings were there each and every Sunday....even the Sunday when we found our church home. We did have to allow some of our "flesh" desires to die away. That was probably the hardest part. Letting go of what we knew as "church" and moving forward to what God was calling us to.
Prayers and blessings as you obediently seek a fellowship of like-minded, God-fearing, Bible-centered believers!
You are being obedient just by having that attitude and desire to be "willing"! He will direct you just to where He wants you.
And, oh yea... there is nothing better than feeling cute after having a baby. I bet you werent cute though - more like hot! ;)
Thanks for sharing your journey. That is awesome that you have prayed and read the Word through all of this...you most certainly cannot go wrong taking those steps = ) I will continue to pray with you and your husband as you work through this situion...a "not so easy" situation. You will be blessed for you faithfulness!
~Tracy
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