After the difficult Doctor's appointment, I spent some time in seclusion. Well at least that's how I view it. Ezekiel was sleeping, Ava Beth was sleeping and Josiah was in his room reading books. On the way home Josiah cried and kept asking me to talk to him. I knew that I wasn't ready so I told him this. "Josiah, when we get home, Mommy needs you to spend some time in your room and I am going to spend some time in mine. Then after rest time is over, I will come in your room so we can talk." I have to say that the Holy Spirit was working in me because Josiah decided that rest time would be good for both of us and he gave me my space. So I use the time to pray. I prayed that God would help me communicate to a four year old and a two year old in a way that they would "get it." After a couple of hours, I went into Josiah's room and we talked. Josiah loves to pray. He loves to do it out loud and he loves to pray with me so I started with that approach. He may have not understood every single thing I prayed but I asked God to help me show Josiah how much I loved him and to help me communicate in a way he would understand. The praying thing helped so much. We pray with Josiah every single night but not usually before discipline. But this day it needed to happen that way. It was great! It was very effective and I have already witnessed him working on some of the things we discussed. The sibling rivalry can do me in sometimes so daily I am praying that I can nurture my kid's relationships. My brother and I do not really have a relationship so I am trying to do everything possible to show my kids how to get along and recover quickly from their spats!

All of that to say, I feel much better. I feel like I handled things the way God would want me to. Consistency is key and now that the new baby is here, the older ones are trying to test a lot of boundaries. I am praying daily that I can be consistent and not loose my temper. Sometimes that can be very hard!

It's exciting to see Josiah make some changes, even in the past two days. Instead of crying and running to me when his sister takes something from him or hits him, he is handling it how I told him he needed to. And when he handles it appropriately, I praise him for it. Parenting can be so difficult and draining but when I see a change, an improvement or a moment when I know they "get it", my heart is filled with joy and I know I am doing what God has called me to do. Now I just need to surround myself with like minded parents. I can't do this alone, that's for sure.

On a side note. I want you to know that I am always want to show myself humble. As moms we can sometimes seem like "know it alls" or consider ourselves much smarter because of the number of children we have, etc. I have been a part of play groups where this attitude is present and I hate it. Women, especially moms, are bad about tearing one another apart. We do it in ways where we think no one will notice. We can be manipulative, competitive and so much more. This really hurts me and makes me sad to see how much this goes on. What I posted on Tuesday about discipline was about my children and how we choose to take action. It was not about me having an edge on anyone else's parenting. Yes, I have three kids and I am a little more seasoned than some. Just as mother's of teenagers are way more seasoned than me. But most of the time I have no clue as to what I am doing. I often go to bed feeling guilty, afraid or scared when it comes to parenting. I am not perfect and I mess up probably every single day. However, we live in a world where people (moms) have a very hard time allowing others to see their imperfections. We want people to think our children listen to classical music all day and never watch TV. We want people to think we sit down with them daily to memorize the periodic table when they are only two years old! We want everyone to think that we have it all figured out when really, we know nothing. I can't pretend to know it all, God won't use that. He can't.

So there you have it! I know nothing. I have three kids, I have been married for five and a half years and I am CLUELESS. The day I have it all figured out, I will let you know. Until then, I will just keep on messing up and sharing it on this blog. It's funny that someone nominated me for a "Thought Provoking" blog award because many out there struggle with my "thoughts". :) I never write about parenting because parents get very prideful at times when they discuss their way of doing things, myself included. Many of you would not agree with some of my parenting decisions. So please forgive me if I seemed prideful or displayed a "know it all" attitude. If you were in my pediatrician's office on Tuesday, you would have seen that I really know NOTHING. Absolutely nothing!

But today I feel good. The house is clean, the kids are sleeping and have been compliant AND I have already prepared dinner. That way it can go in the oven when Jeremy calls to say he is on his way home. Oh and I have a pot of coffee I just brewed! Coffee is becoming my afternoon delight and it's a must with a newborn in the house and the two other rugrats! But tomorrow the house could be trashed and I could be way behind on everything and dinner may not even be thought about! So I will enjoy the success of my day TODAY and not worry about tomorrow.